I had spent the better part of my day at the Samphran Elephant Zoo. It was a lot of fun though until I was asked to step into a tiger’s cage to take pictures … emmmmm why? As much fun as it was watching Elephants play football or the Croc whisperer play snap with a crocodile, I couldn’t wait to get back into Bangkok because I had plans to go to the Calypso Cabaret.
I love going to the theater, which is why the west end is one of my favorite places to be. But this wasn’t just any performance (still hoping for a ticket to see Hamilton by the way) this was “the Calypso Cabaret”. Over an hour of being entertained by the gorgeous and extremely popular Lady boys.
I was so excited that I forgot I didn’t get a ticket before heading to the Zoo earlier on and so the show was sold out. Not only was I sad, I now had an evening out on the town with no itinerary.
I grabbed a cab and was headed back to my hotel, extremely downcast as I counted seven elevens on my way back until the cabbie asked if I had been to the ping pong show? Pray tell. Why would he imagine I wanted to spend my evening watching table tennis? I politely declined but he persisted. I asked what was so interesting about table tennis at night but he wasn't quite coherent. It’s not like i have anything else to do so I nodded and off to the ping pong show we went.
It wasn’t the savviest of neighborhoods but … hey. I got to the ticketing counter and again asked what the show was about? Dude said to sneak a peek. I opened the door to a dark room with a stage in the middle and lights shining on a young woman wearing a red bra and nothing else.
This almost naked girl seemed to be generating a loud applause so without a thought I tossed some Baht at the ticketer (In retrospect I may have over paid), found what seemed like the ideal seat, at a corner, on the second row with an unobstructed view of the stage.
Problem with this was, everyone that got off the stage seemed to brush by me. So I took to calling names of VD’s with every brush.
Another girl got on stage wearing a bra and panties (they fit so I assumed they were hers) carrying a coke bottle filled with clear liquid. She dispensed with the panties did some kind of scissor spin and ended up with her legs in the air whilst she balanced her body on her shoulder blades.
She emptied the bottle of water in to her "huhu", stayed in that position for an extra second and somehow got back up and filled up the bottle again from the liquid stored in her huhu. The contents although still liquid, wasn’t quite as clear as the water that she poured in but.. okay.
Another girl brushed by me on her way on to the stage dressed similar to the Coke bottle girl who was descending from the stage.
She had a marker and a plain piece of paper in hand s she leaned forward to take her panties off. A thought crossed my mind. Where exactly will they keep their panties on the stage? On the floor? And then what? Pick it up when they are done or? I was still pondering this seemingly unimportant fact when she put me out of misery. They had their panties knotted neatly on their thigh. I still think that beats searching in the dark beneath the covers for your panties but, I digress.
Back to the scholar (I named them).
She displayed the blank sheet of paper and placed it on the floor, inserted the marker into her huhu and then squatted over the paper. She did a slow 360 degree turn over the paper, picked up the paper and it had two intertwined hearts neatly drawn.
Then came the ping pong lady who bounced the ball neatly in and out of her huhu as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do.
There were a few more acts after that and then the final act. A naked woman and a very aroused man got on stage and yes he had on protection. They stood in between two poles I didn’t quite notice on the stage before. She assumed the "pick pin" position and he stood behind her and inserted himself into her.
Using himself as a human clock he achieved the following using his arms and legs as the hands of the clock. 6 o clock, 10 minutes past 8, 15 minutes past 9 and 6 o clock again. He continued on to 20 minutes to 2, 15 minutes to 3 and finally 12 30. His rhythm never faltered and he never came out of her.
I glanced around and realized everyone had leaned forward in their seats a little too much, you could hear a pin drop. The only sound was of their bodies coming together. When he was done telling the time, still without unplugging they laid down and continued this sex act until they achieved fruition.
Before they could get up and take a bow, everyone dashed out the door as if someone had yelled fire. As I watched them dash out, I realized the club was full of couples and silly me was all by myself. It was a very uncomfortable night.
