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Medical Examination

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but before any examination I am a bundle of nerves and that includes medical examinations. Almost anything can be wrong. Add to that the fact that I lived in the UAE where there is a whole lot more to worry about than your report being in red.

Nobody wants to be diagnosed with HIV or hepatitis B but you definitely do not want to be diagnosed with “it” in UAE where you will be sent to jail as that’s the only place you can be properly quarantined until your eyes are scanned and you are deported. You can never return to the UAE unless of course you acquire a new pair…. Of eyes that is. If by a smidgen, it accidentally shows that you(single ladies) may have been pregnant, you get to spend three months in the “can” and then still get deported.

It was the day of my second medical exam in UAE and I can still remember the first like it was yesterday. Getting the medical exam done wasn’t so much of a scare except of course for my deep rooted fear of needles. It was the wait.

In the forty eight hours between the exam and the result, I had replayed every single activity that had ever occurred in my life including being born. (Yes. My senses were that heightened)

The morning I was to go pick up the result dawned like any other only, I hadn’t caught any shut eye. I lay in bed staring at my wardrobe. “Will I really have to pack this all up”? I asked myself. And then I heard the unmistakable sound of a siren.

I froze. The sound of the siren grew closer. “This can’t be happening to me” I said out loud but it got even closer. And then the doorbell rang. At this point my heart beat was so loud in my ears that if I wasn’t trying to disappear beneath the covers I would have had to hold my ears lest my heart beat right out of them.

The incessant chiming of the doorbell didn’t help me especially as there was nowhere left for me to burrow. And then the lights went out.

I waited a minute before peeking, and then I gathered up courage and walked to my door. Took a deep breath, head held high, I stepped out and with shaky steps I descended the stairs.

Two things occurred at once. It crossed my mind that they know I am Nigerian so they really couldn’t have thought shutting off the power would flush me out and then I saw water.

There was water everywhere. My landlord and unbelievably cute men in uniform were everywhere.

It turned out someone dropped a cigarette on a washing machine and this somehow set the building on fire. A concerned citizen called the fire department and they had to break down the front door since It appeared there was no one home.

They looked shocked that an actual living being was in the building. But their shocked look changed to bafflement when they realized I was smiling. I knew I had just escaped death but at the time I was too happy that they hadn’t come for me.

No points for guessing I had a clean bill of health and nope no baby either. But as I sat waiting for the next medical exam it occurred to me then that the day was a Thursday, and Friday and Saturday add up to a weekend. Sunday, Monday were both public holidays meaning I couldn’t get my result earlier than Tuesday.

Another ridiculously long wait for yay or nay!

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